A few years ago, I was going through a breakup. And when I say “going through,” I mean I was harnessing every available shred of might to push through it. Processing each bit of knowledge, engaging any whisper of advice, and applying every lesson I’d ever learned from previous breakups, I prepared for this journey to the other side — no matter what that vista might have in store. And oddly, together two things gave me the momentum to see myself through: my local trail, and the Cheryl Strayed memoir “Wild.” (And sure, the film adaptation starring my personal icon, the incomparable Reese Witherspoon.)
In her best-selling memoir, Strayed recounts navigating through grief, trauma, and the end of her marriage. Armed with plenty of supplies but minimal experience, she set out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail solo. Reeling from my own heartache, I clung to the soft, feathery pages of my used copy. I was determined to activate my own “Wild”-like transformation. Only, I had no intention of hiking cross-country, or even outside the Cook County border.
One of Chicago’s most beloved outdoor spaces is its Lakefront Trail. Along Lake Michigan, the Lakefront Trail features paved cycling and running paths from the north side’s Ardmore Avenue all the way to the south side’s 71st Street. The view of Lake Michigan stuns year round, whether sailboats dot the summer waters or ice encrusts the rocky banks. This is not your average trail. And despite its fame and inspiring imagery, it wasn’t my trail.
Through frigid mornings and overcast afternoons, I peeled myself out of bed/off the couch/away from my phone (a hell box of bad memories and impulsive temptations for a newly-single and devastated person) and embarked on the humble trail. Starting at my apartment, I’d traverse the handful of blocks to the Lincoln Park neighborhood’s namesake park: the Windy City’s largest public park, spanning seven miles along the north side’s lakeshore.
Where Diversey meets Cannon, a simple dirt-and-gravel path beckons city dwellers out to nature. Sure, the Midwest doesn’t offer the desert hikes of Arizona, nor the tricky terrain of Colorado. And Chicago definitely cannot guarantee pleasant weather. But my low-commitment daily jaunts took me out of the stench of my own pathetic, wallowing thoughts provided me perspective and comfort that nary a social media-stalking session could supply.
The simple act of taking a carefree walk along a no-frills trail was healing. No matter what anyone tells you, you don’t need to make any purchases to achieve wellness — no hiking boots or backpacks or tents required. Clad in my Tevas or tried-and-true Doc Martens or beat up sneakers, I worked these treks into my post-breakup routine and eventually felt my emotional burden getting lighter and lighter.
As it turns out, if trekking PCT is out of the question, you can get lost and find yourself all over again just as easily on your local, average path. Along the path, I was just another person, undefined by my heartache, loss, or the blank slate of what was to come. I didn’t have a mountain to climb or a river to ford, but I had plenty of obstacles to overcome that weren’t as obvious as the nearby playgrounds or ponds.
Just as Strayed’s memoir ended with a glimmer of hope for her healing, so does my trail. It’s been a few years since my winter of wandering, and I wish I could go back in time to cross paths with myself out in Lincoln Park. I’d tell myself it will be okay, and that this too would pass, and that this coming October, I’ll be getting married in that same park, along that same path, to an excellent dude who has made every lesson worth it. Wild, indeed.
Sarah Magnuson is a Chicago-based, Rockford, Illinois-born and bred writer and comedian. She has bachelor’s degrees in English and Sociology and a master’s degree in Public Service Management. When she’s not interviewing real estate experts or sharing her thoughts on laundry chutes (major proponent), Sarah can be found producing sketch comedy shows and liberating retro artifacts from her parents’ basement.
Recipes and antiques aren’t the only gems that can be cherished and passed down through generations. Growing up, I learned most of what I know about what it takes to navigate and nurture a romance from the relationships that were happening all around me. Some of the best and most useful marriage advice I’ve ever received, I stole right from the pages of my parents’ love story, which has always been one of my favorites.
They were college sweethearts turned soulmates in the ‘60s who shared a passion for poetry, good books, and campus strolls. They successfully made the transition from good friends to great partners, and after graduation, my mom and dad married in a small ceremony on a military base. They were married for 14 years before they welcomed me, their only child, into the world. Then life took an unexpected turn. When I was 9 years old, my mother passed away, leaving my dad and I behind to keep her memory alive. My dad did so by regularly sharing detailed memories from their life together with me whenever I’d ask “what she was like”.
As I began to navigate my own romantic relationships as an adult, I appreciated hearing these stories on repeat and I absorbed many of the valuable love lessons embedded within them. When I got married in 2010, I decided to borrow some of my parent’s best philosophies on love, which centered around communication and connection. Many of the relationship habits that worked best for them, in both good and bad times, have also served our marriage well over the years. (We’re celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary this fall.)
While every day brings a new challenge with any marriage, practicing these powerful habits has helped us appreciate each other more and make the most of our time together. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
Take a communication vacation.
When my parents needed to work through a difficult or complicated time in their marriage, they didn’t let the moment build up on the back burner. Instead, they paused their busy schedules to make time to get away and address it head on — no phone calls or outside distractions. The only voices they allowed in the conversation were their own. Sometimes they escaped to nearby motels for the weekend, and when that wasn’t possible (financially or otherwise) they chose to take a very long drive and “just talk.” My dad told me they always returned home a lot lighter and clear on what their next steps would be.
My husband and I now call these little necessary relationship retreats “communication vacations.” In the earlier days of our marriage, we found that taking a Saturday drive was easiest to pull off without making any excuses. Since then, when we need to work through something, we’ve graduated to going on nearby weekend getaway or “staycation” where we focus solely on unplugging, reconnecting, and as we like to say, “feeling our feelings.” Most recently, we went on a winter weekend mindfulness retreat where we learned how to meditate and mapped out new marriage goals by the fire. We both still speak fondly about how magical and important that trip was, and we traveled less than two hours from home.
Turn mundane moments into magical ones.
When my parents were newlyweds, they had very little money to spare, so romantic vacations and fancy date nights were out of the question. But they were exuberant romantics who made lemonade out of lemons every chance they got to spend some quality time together. They would instead transform their tiny apartment kitchen into a private couple’s cooking class or their living room into a poetry night at the speakeasy. They did so simply by letting their love, laughter and a little creativity take center stage.
Now, my husband and I like to “camp out” in our living room with our favorite takeout, s’mores and a “double feature” of our favorite horror flicks. Now that we’re new homeowners, with a handy projector and string lights, we “go to the movies” under the stars in our backyard. Not only does this practice keep us thinking creatively about how we spend our time together — when we’re not both busy or exhausted — but it’s also a great way to avoid blowing our monthly entertainment budget on too many impromptu splurges.
Share regrets before they turn into resentment.
No relationship is perfect, and neither are the two people in it. Even with each partner giving it their very best, there will inevitably be moments where someone has regrets about something. My parents always left space to have those uncomfortable conversations in their marriage, because they believed that lingering regrets would morph into resentment over time if they weren’t allowed to be heard or felt. For us, being intentional about starting more conversations with the words “I regret…” has helped us to uncover and share our true feelings in the moment much faster than we had in the past.
This piece is part of Throwback Month, where we’re revisiting vintage styles, homes, and all kinds of groovy, retro home ideas. Boogie on over here to read more!
Years ago, I was sitting at my desk on my first day of a new job when a text popped up on my phone: “Good luck today! You’re gonna KILL IT.” I appreciated my friend’s supportive words, of course, but I especially appreciated that she’d remembered exactly when I was starting my new gig. I knew I wanted to start doing the same for my friends and check in with them about important events in their lives to make them feel loved and cared for. But like everyone else, I’m busy, and I’m human — so I struggled to actually remember to do this.
Eventually, I figured out the perfect solution: Google Calendar. I already use it to keep track of doctor’s appointments, medication schedules, quarterly tax due dates, and work deadlines. I love the relief that comes from filling out the event details and hitting save — it calms my anxious brain, allowing me to relax a little and know I won’t forget to do the thing. I’ll see the little blue box whenever I check my calendar, and I’ll get a reminder in my inbox beforehand. So I started thinking: Why not apply the same strategy to my personal relationships?
While maintaining my friendships is not a chore like managing my health and my finances, it does require emotional labor. No, I can’t predict when a friend will face a crisis and need a sympathetic ear or advice, but I can be proactive when they tell me they have something specific coming up, whether it’s something exciting, stressful, or emotionally difficult.
When my friend Adam told me he had a big job interview coming up, for example, I asked him when it was, and then immediately made a calendar event for that morning: “Wish Adam good luck on job interview.” Then I moved on with my day with one less thing swirling around my head to remember. When my friend Kate gushed about the guy she was going out with the following Friday, I set a reminder for Saturday morning: “Ask Kate how date went.”
Other times, it will be less clear what to say. When a friend recently told me she’d be visiting her grandma who’s in hospice care, for example, I set a reminder to simply check in and tell her I was thinking about her that day. And if she had told me her grandma was sick without mentioning a specific date, I could have still set a reminder to follow up in a week or two and ask how she and her family were doing.
All of these friends live several states away, and this strategy helps me feel like I can maintain emotional closeness despite the physical distance. You can wish a local friend good luck on their job interview over dinner the night before or get the details of their big date over coffee the next morning — but staying involved in your long-distance friends’ lives takes more effort. Setting these calendar reminders makes it so much easier. Why give yourself yet another thing to keep track of in your mind when you could write everything down in one place?
Admittedly, I’m still working on making this practice a habit. Sometimes a friend mentions something and I forget to set one of these calendar events (the key is to do it immediately!) or other times I might be too wrapped up in my own life to ask a friend about theirs. But I know how great I feel when friends remember details I share and follow up with me, so I’m trying my best to do the same for them — and my trusty Google Calendar makes it so much easier.
Valentine’s Day is almost here! The older I get, the more sentimental I become – meaning I really enjoy February 14th. I understand that it’s a silly holiday, but it feels sillier to hate on a holiday that’s all about love. That being said, I don’t think it’s necessary to spend a gross amount of money on dinner, flowers, and gifts in order to have a great time with your partner. The whole fancy dinner thing is a little played out. There are far better ways to celebrate love and make memories with your significant other. Here are 82 different date ideas that don’t involve making last-minute dinner reservations.
1. Go out for breakfast: Get up a few hours before work and go grab an early breakfast. Pro: You’ll be able to watch the sunrise together. How romantic!
2. Grab lunch together: Take a long work break and meet up for lunch. This is one of those date ideas that is great for parents with kids, because there’s all the benefit of eating out with no need for a babysitter!
3. Order in: Going out on Valentine’s Day is stressful. Instead, order in, light some candles, and pour the wine for your own private date.
4. Have a personal pan pizza party: Get the ingredients the day before, and have fun making unique creations together with your boo.
5. Take a cooking class: All the fun of cooking something together, none of the clean-up.
6. Decorate cookies: Create sweet works of art with your sweet work of art.
7. Make food for those who are less fortunate than you: I did this in college, and it’s one of my favorite date ideas ever. Bake a bunch of sweets and deliver them to your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter (be sure to check ahead with them for any regulations or rules about food).
8. Cook a brunch buffet together: Everyone loves breakfast food (and if they don’t – why are you dating them??). Wake up late (this is one of those date ideas that you might have to wait until the weekend for) and cook up a feast together. Don’t forget the mimosas!
9. Cook something completely new: Never tried Indian food before? Tonight is the night, my friend. Grab the ingredients ahead of time so you’re not rushing around night-of. Remember: it’s not about the end result, it’s about the experience.
10. Pack a picnic: Make some sandwiches, pack some fruit, and eat outside. Even if you don’t make it farther than your backyard, food always tastes better outdoors.
11. Go to a local brewery: If you’re looking for a laid-back way to spend the evening together.
12. Visit a beer garden: The best part about beer gardens is that they’re usually dog-friendly, so puppy love will already be in the air.
13. Go to a wine tasting: This is one of those date ideas that you’ll probably have to book in advance since it’s a popular option!
14. Go to a liquor tasting: Like wine tasting, but on expert mode.
15. Have an in-home wine tasting: Why go out for wine when you can wine in? Buy a few bottles you’ve both been wanting to try, and have a sampling party from the comfort of your sofa. Bonus – no need to call an Uber!
16. Have an in-home cheese tasting: Not looking to get wasted in the middle of the week? Pick up a few fancy cheeses and a box of your favorite crackers, and have an in-home feast. Pair with apples and honey if you’re feeling extra fancy.
17. Try a new coffee shop: Date ideas involving coffee? Count me in!Have a caffeinated date together, and try a new place you haven’t been before. Put your phone down and learn something new about your partner.
18. Go to a tea house: Want the perks of a coffee date without the perkiness of caffeine? Take your date to a tea room instead.
19. Share a sundae: Ice cream is always a winner, even in the middle of February. Trust me.
20. Go for a hike in the woods: Connect with your lover in the the serene solitude of nature. Don’t get lost.
21. Go for a walk in the park: City dweller? Take a stroll around your local park instead. Try and find a new park you’ve never been to.
22. Take the dog on a long walk: Bring along the furrier members of your family as you walk hand-in-hand.
23. Watch the sunrise: Grab a blanket and take your morning coffee to-go. Cuddle up and watch the sky turn from dark to light.
24. Watch the sunset: Not a morning person? No problem. Watching the sun set is as nice as watching it rise.
25. Go camping: If you don’t feel like traveling far from home, pitch a tent in the backyard for a romantic night under the stars.
26. Visit a botanical garden: This one is great if it’s cold where you are but you miss being in nature. Most botanical gardens have big, beautiful greenhouses for you to wander through.
27. Go fruit picking: If it’s warm enough where you are, you might be able to pick a few berries. Sweet!
28. Go snow shoeing / cross-country skiing: If it’s cold enough where you are, take a trek through the snowy wilderness.
29. Go sledding: Don’t forget to bring (spiked) hot cocoa!
30. Visit local estate / garage sales: Do a little digging with your significant other. Even if you don’t find anything, it’s about the time spent together (you will probably have to wait until the weekend for this idea).
31. Go to the beach / coast: Take your lover on a road-trip to the nearest large body of water. Even if it’s sundown, the waters will still be mysteriously romantic.
32. Fly a kite: Get blown away together.
33. Go to the farmer’s market: Wandering through produce is more romantic than you might be imagining. Don’t forget to pick up a fresh bouquet of flowers!
34. Go to the movies: It’s not cheap, but it’s cheaper than going out to dinner on Valentine’s day! Plus, how romantic is cuddling in the dark?
35. Go to the movies (at home): Microwave some popcorn, pick up your favorite theater sweet (mine are Junior Mints), cuddle up on the couch, and put on a scary flick. For a real in-theater experience, turn off your phones!
36. Go to a stand-up show: Don’t you just love laughing with your partner?
37. Do karaoke: One of the classic date ideas. Even if you’re both bad, it’s still good.
38. Go to a play: You might have to do a little digging to find a play in your area, but it will definitely be a unique, memorable date.
39. Take an art / calligraphy class: Learning a new skill is more fun when you’re with the one you love. Plus, a lot of painting classes are wine-friendly.
40. Go to an art museum: You’re a cultured couple. Take a stroll through the paintings and sculpture.
41. Go to a science museum: Not just for fourth graders!
42. Go to the aquarium: Also not just for kids. Watching fish is surprisingly soothing.
43. See a live show: Even if the musician isn’t good, a live show is always thrilling.
44. Go to an arcade: Grab your quarters and battle it out with bae. Adult-only arcades are popping up everywhere, so there’s a good chance you can share a beer while you play Mortal Kombat.
45. Visit a pool hall: It’s definitely the sexiest sport you can play, even if you are a little rusty.
46. Attend a sporting event: Go sports!
47. Go to an animal refuge: Visit with the animals, get out in nature. Appreciate what you have.
48. Do an Escape Room: This is a good date if neither you nor your partner are the overly-competitive type. And if you’re not claustrophobic.
49. Go to a trivia night: Flex your brain muscle! Show off your smarts!
50. Go to a roller rink: When was the last time you went skating? I went a few months ago, and it is just as fun as it was when I was in middle school!
51. Go ice skating: Still frozen where you live? Go ice skating instead. Pro: You’ll have to cuddle more if the rink is outdoors.
52. Do a yoga class together: Connect with your partner through some deep stretching exercises. Namasté.
53. Play disc golf: Put on your sneakers for this one, because disc golf courses usually require a lot of walking! It’s like playing golf, but with a frisbee, making it a sport that pretty much anyone can play.
54. Go bowling: Nothing says “romance” like wearing shoes a stranger has previously sweat in. But seriously, this is one of the classic date ideas. You’ll have fun!
55. Go rock climbing: Get sweaty with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and work on your trust as you belay each other up the wall.
56. Go kayaking / canoeing: Rent or borrow a two-seater and take a relaxing row around the lake.
57. Go for a bike ride: Bonus points if your end destination is an ice cream shop!
58. Rent a tandem bike: This is one of those date ideas that requires a bit of research, but you could look into renting a bike for two. How cute would that be?
59. Go to a driving range: Get swingin’.
60. Play putt-putt golf: Get (mini) swingin’.
61. Go go-carting: Nothing wrong with a little friendly competition to celebrate your love.
62. Play laser tag: You’ll need to round up some of your couples friends for this one, but laser tag is just as fun as you remember it being when you were a kid!
63. Do a photo shoot together: You don’t need fancy cameras, but you always need a new profile pic! Get silly and have fun getting to know your partner better.
64. Get professional photos taken: Take the previous date idea a step further. Get gussied up and have your photos taken, just because.
65. Recreate your first date: Depending on what your first date was, this one might take a little pre-planning, but oh, the memories!
66. Make a time capsule of your love: Write love letters, print some photos, and pack away anything else that reminds you of each others’ affections. Open the capsule on a future Valentine’s day.
67. Go to your local library: You’ll have to whisper the whole time, but that’s half the fun.
68. Get a couples massage: Make sure to book this date in advance!
69. Give each other massages: Can’t afford a full body massage? Turn your home into a spa by taking turns giving massages (don’t forget to light some candles and put on soothing music!).
70. Have an in-home spa treatment: Do some face masks, buff each other’s nails, soak your feet together – basically just pamper each other in love.
71. Take a bath together: Light some candles, put on some Enya, and have a soak.
72. Take a shower together: Bathtub too small? Try simply taking a shower together.
73.Visit a salt room:Salt therapy is all the rage, go check it out for yourself!
74. Learn a new skill on YouTube: The internet is a wealth of knowledge. Pick something neither of you know anything about (playing guitar, speaking Japanese, paper mâché, etc.), watch a few videos, and take a stab at it together.
75. Put together a puzzle: Clear the dining room table! Put on a podcast and have fun working together… for hours…
76. Have a game night: Break out your favorite board game – as long as it isn’t Monopoly. No one is happy at the end of Monopoly.
77. Make a bonfire: It’s a bit of work to build, but nothing beats sitting in front of a cozy fire with the one you love. Bring marshmallows, too!
78. Go for a horseback ride: This will take a little planning ahead, but you can have your own knight ride in on a white horse. Or, at least, your boyfriend trotting next to you on a probably brown horse.
79. Go for a horse carriage ride: One of the more classic date ideas – talk about romance!
80. Get your fortune read: Figure out what the future holds for you and your partner.
81. Make a vision board: Speaking of the future – put out good intentions for you and yours by making a vision board.
82. Built a blanket fort: Bonus points if you hang twinkly lights inside.
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Any good Valentine’s Day date ideas that I missed? What are you up to on February 14th? Leave me a comment!
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Did Valentine’s Day sneak up on you this year? Do you and your partner usually not really do Valentine’s Day but they happened to mention they got you something? Have you spent so much time trying to figure out the perfect present for that special someone that now you’re worried it’s too late? Don’t panic. Valentine’s Day is all about showing your loved ones, well, love, and you can do that with everything from a simple note to a delicious, homemade dinner (our friends at The Kitchn created a quick, last-minute Valentine’s Day menu that’s sure to satisfy any palate). However, if you’re looking to get them a little something they can unwrap, we’ve got you covered there, too. Below we rounded up 14 of the best last-minute Valentine’s Day gifts they’re sure to love, from traditional gifts like flowers and candy to games and fun activities you can do together.
