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Let me preface by admitting this thing is the weirdest-looking item on my nightstand. I’ve been told it gives the impression that I escape into virtual reality each night, although it’s quite the contrary. This VR goggle-esque device actually helps me unwind from the real world (without going anywhere else) better than any other tangible tool I have at the moment. It’s the eye massager from RENPHO, complete with air pressure, heat, vibration, and even music.
I had no idea eye massagers existed until a few months ago when my concerned housemate urged me to stop rubbing my eyes with my fists every five minutes. Unfortunately, the fear of expediting wrinkles had nothing on the soreness I felt from my blue light-strained eyes. She told me about an eye massager that her boss and thousands of other internet people swear by and, I have to admit, the idea of anything massaging my temples in that moment had me immediately, and ironically, flicking my laptop back open to place an order.
Turns out there are lots of eye massagers out there, on Amazon especially, but this one caught my eye (as it were) for its portability — it folds entirely in half — and brand (I’m a huge fan of RENPHO). I knew that if this thing was as good as everyone says it is, I was going to want to take it with me everywhere. Complete with its own carrying case and micro USB charging cord, the RENPHO eye massager has been my constant companion since I unboxed it in early December. It’s designed to ease the muscles around your eyes into deeper pressure over a 15-minute treatment period. I love this because, especially when first used, it’s kind of a weird experience and takes some easing into mentally as well as physically. Once you get over the sounds of the air pressure and focus on the mask’s music (or turn it off and play some of your own), time flies by while the pressure on your brows, temples, and eye sockets gets progressively firmer.
After a few consecutive nights of treatments, I noticed my eyes relaxing sooner into the process than they had the first time. Now, it takes little to no effort to quiet my mind and my body at the end of the day, get to sleep faster and with fewer distractions, and actually achieve quality REM rest throughout the night. I expected this eye massager to just offer me some temporary relief, but it has unexpectedly become a wellness and self-care ritual for me. Now, I’ll even pop on the mask in the mornings to get me de-puffed and energized for the day ahead. A quick 15-minute (or even 2-to 3-minute) gentle massage prepares my eyes for all the work they’re about to do and, much like stretching any other muscle before a workout, using it in the morning has eased the amount of strain my eyes go through during the day.
Britt is a stargazer and sunrise-chaser with a collection of magic erasers, and a fascination with the fantastic. A storyteller at heart, she finds inspiration in all the small things, and can likely be found singing show tunes, catching up on K-dramas, or going on adventures to satiate her natural-born wanderlust. (Sometimes even all at the same time.) An all-around creative, Britt has worked in various facets with Scene Louisiana, The Nerd Machine, and The Daebak Company, Inc.
You’ve decked the halls, hung the stockings with care, wrapped and unwrapped the presents, and it’s no wonder if you’re all tired out. Hopefully now that Christmas is over you finally have a bit of time to relax. Maybe you already know exactly how you want to spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s, but here are 10 ideas for how to unwind in case you’ve forgotten how.
1. Take a long, hot bath. This is the perfect time to try out these Christmas tree bath salts, made from evergreen clippings that you can salvage from your tree, wreath, or garland.
2. Have a home spa day. Pamper yourself with those deep conditioners and face masks that have been sitting in the back of your bathroom cabinet. It’s a good way to clear them out so you can start fresh for the new year, with new products and a decluttered bathroom. If your cabinets are already clear, you could always try out some of the homemade beauty product ideas from this post.
3. Catch up on your (for fun) reading. If you’re already caught up, scour the best-of-the-year lists, and make up your reading list for next year.
4. Find a beautiful new calendar for 2019. There are lots of free printable ones, many of which you can find links to here.
5. Declutter and organize a space. I know that this might not sound fun or relaxing to many of us, but you’ll be glad to start the new year with one cabinet, closet, or whole room all tidied up. Find lots of closet organization ideas here, and plenty more general organization ideas here.
6. Make something with your hands. Whether it’s sewing, knitting, painting, woodworking, or sculpting with clay, tackle that DIY project you’ve been meaning to try.
7. Get some exercise. Move your body in whatever way that works for you. Walking, skiing, swimming, yoga, or even sledding with the kids all count.
8. Connect with someone you’ve missed. If your best friend has been too busy to hang out during the holidays, catch up over a cup of tea. Or if you didn’t get to see your out-of-town relatives or friends this year, pick up the phone and give them a call.
9. Write thank-you notes for holiday gifts. This may not sound fun and relaxing, but the sooner you get this done, the less you’ll have to carry around the guilt about not having done it. Plus, if you really take the time to reflect about why you’re writing each note, you can turn it into a mindful exercise in gratitude.
10. Shop the post-Christmas sales. If you think that I must be crazy to suggest you go to the mall right now to relax (I agree), online shopping exists for a reason. But if you want to stock up on cheap holiday decor, or snap up deals on that beautiful sweater someone is returning because Aunt Zelda doesn’t know their size, or they got three Instapots, now is the time to do it.
The holidays can be a special time filled with loved ones and family members you haven’t seen in a while, but it can also be a stressful time if you find yourself in close proximity with people you’d rather avoid. (Hey, it happens!) You might begin feeling the anxiety and stress of seeing your family days before your trip, and the thought of interacting with certain family members can cause plenty of people to be nervous. It can get complicated, especially if nothing you’ve tried to soothe the tension has worked in the past. What do you say? How do you react?
If anyone knows how to navigate situations like these, it’s therapists. Apartment Therapy asked licensed professionals how they deal with difficult family members in their lives, especially during the holidays. Here are six ways therapists deal with difficult family members, which you can also borrow during your next stressful holiday or family gathering.
Focus on what you can control.
If you know you’re going to come in contact with difficult family members during the holiday season, it can help to pivot your mindset. You likely cannot control what a family member might say to you, but you can control how you react. By focusing on ownership of your reactions and actions, you create a space for yourself to limit your exposure to toxic energy.
California-based licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Leah Aguirre encourages people to “remind themselves of what they do have control over versus what they do not have control over.” When it comes to sensitive topics or subjects, she recommends asking yourself, “Is this going to be a productive or positive conversation?” Though it might be tempting to defend yourself or set a nosy family member straight, sometimes silence is the best response to probing questions and difficult topics.
“Talking at each other and trying to prove one’s stance or point is not the same as having an open conversation and discussion,” Aguirre adds, noting that in the moments when you recognize you’re becoming angry, it can be helpful to take a deep breath, walk away, or try to switch the conversation to another topic. “Ask yourself, ‘Is it worth my energy or the expense of my mental health?’ Usually it is not. So do not try to engage and provoke if you know the conversation is going to go nowhere.”
Look to find compassion for the other person.
Though it can feel tough at the moment, California-based licensed therapist David Grammar recommends entering your interactions from a place of compassion if you can. “The foundation is compassion for the other person and this means taking some time to understand where the individual is coming from,” he says.
By trying to sink into another person’s backstory, you may soften your approach toward someone who seems to focus on negativity. Be mindful of setting boundaries and not allowing the offending person to have a free pass for his or her behavior. “This does not mean justifying behavior and allowing someone to be mean or abusive,” Grammar notes. “It just means trying to understand the individual’s experience or view point.” Focus on the emotions and try to read between lines on what is at the root of the discomfort.
Keeping interactions with family members on the shorter side is a good way to avoid exacerbating existing problems. Build in ways to excuse yourself, whether it is a bathroom break or extending a helping hand in the kitchen.
“Limit how much time you spend with these difficult family members,” Aguirre says. “Maybe two hours is all you can take and you decide to make your visit short and sweet. Or, take some time-outs. Find a private space to take deep breaths or give yourself a pep talk.”
Use grounding techniques.
If you find yourself becoming anxious around family this holiday season, you might get caught up in your own thoughts. As a result, you might overthink your behavior — and a good way to snap yourself out of this cycle is to remind yourself about the world outside your mind.
According to Georgia-based therapist Habiba Jessica Zaman, grounding yourself by focusing on one thing that corresponds to each of your five senses can help you pay attention to the present and not get too caught up in a tough conversation. “Grounding helps to feel rooted to the ground even when there seems to be external upheaval,” she says.
She recommends finding and identifying one thing for each of the five senses — so, asking yourself what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. You might see “ tables, chairs, bookshelves, and my hazelnut mocha frappuccino,” while you feel “the base of my wrist is sore from typing, the tips of my fingers are cold, and the scarf is soft and warm,” says Zaman.
Create a list of boundaries.
Identify your personal dealbreakers regarding a person’s behavior in advance, so you can recognize when a conversation might be getting stressful. “Create a list of boundaries that will help you feel calm around difficult family members,” Kelley Stevens, a California-based therapist, tells Apartment Therapy. “Then make a plan for how you are going to implement those boundaries.”
She recommends spending a few minutes to actively think about whichever family members who choose to constantly bring up unwanted topics. “Consider writing down a plan for how to respond to them at that moment,” Stevens explains. “One way to diffuse the situation is to say, ‘Let’s talk about something else, this topic makes me feel uncomfortable.’”
Again, sometimes the best response is no response — and perhaps even removing yourself from the person’s direct periphery if it is safe for you to do so. “If the subject comes up and you know it triggers you, remove yourself from the room and find another person to connect with,” says licensed social worker Jennifer Keleman. “Take a walk and come back feeling refreshed and full of strength.”
Use basic cues to help you navigate overwhelming people and situations.
Anytime you know a conversation with family members is heading places that aren’t necessarily productive, Canadian-based therapist Lavlet Forde recommends using one or more of five cues to help guide you through the situation. You can remember them by thinking about the acronym S.P.A.C.E.:
And if all else fails, it’s within your right to not further engage with your family member. “Think of it this way: Silence is a response,” Forde says. “Silence gives you power, [and] lets you say, without uttering a sound, ‘I’m not going there with you.’”
Rudri Bhatt Patel is a former attorney turned writer and editor. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, Saveur, Business Insider, Civil Eats and elsewhere. She lives in Phoenix with her family.
Ashley Abramson is a writer-mom hybrid in Minneapolis, MN. Her work, mostly focused on health, psychology, and parenting, has been featured in the Washington Post, New York Times, Allure, and more. She lives in the Minneapolis suburbs with her husband and two young sons.
